Confronting Fear and Finding Light: Healing Journey with Ayahuasca
Facing Fear Head-On
One of the biggest themes that came up for me during my Ayahuasca journey was “fear.” Fear of being truly myself, fear of not being enough, fear for my safety, and, ultimately, fear of the darkness—physical, emotional, and energetic. Ayahuasca led me into these shadows, those hidden parts of myself I’d spent years trying to diminish out of shame or inadequacy.
I didn’t go to the Amazon jungle expecting this journey to be easy. I went there to shed light on the darkest parts of my spirit, to bring them to the surface where healing could finally take place.
Healing Old Wounds
About ten years ago, my husband and I went through years of IVF treatments. The first miscarriage was particularly painful, and while I thought I’d moved forward, I hadn’t truly processed the pain. A part of me, deep down, just couldn’t let go or say goodbye.
In February, I began working with cacao, and she opened my heart to parts of myself I’d kept hidden in shadow. Through cacao, I began to accept and even love those hidden parts, softening my heart toward myself and my life. But Ayahuasca was what ultimately allowed me to release the heaviness I’d carried. She showed me that it was okay to let go and fully step into a brighter version of myself.
Confronting My Own Darkness
In each ceremony, I moved through layers of fear, seeing visions of my darkness. I saw moments of loneliness, times I’d hidden behind fierce independence as a way to protect myself. I felt the distance that had grown between me and our Cosmic Mother, and I saw how I’d lost my sense of support from the Earth herself. This disconnection started in my teens when I’d begun relying on alcohol as a way to cope and feel “connected.”
Facing this darkness wasn’t easy—this is warrior work, the kind of deep, uncomfortable work that takes years of preparation to even attempt. It took me a decade of inner work to be able to confront these parts of myself. When Ayahuasca brought me face-to-face with them, it was terrifying. But it was also powerful.
FINDING LIGHT IN THE SHADOWS
Within every shadow lies a seed of light, waiting to be embraced.
Discovering the Balance of Light and Shadow
Witnessing my own darkness was just one side of the journey. Ayahuasca also showed me my light. One thing I’ve learned from my teachers is that the depth of our light is equal to the depth of our shadows. Our darkness is not something to deny or feel shame for. It’s as essential to who we are as our light is.
We live in a world where we’re conditioned to feel ashamed of the darker parts of ourselves. But from darkness, we grow, evolve, and find the strength to make a positive impact. In the jungle, I learned that acknowledging my darkness allowed me to embrace my light in its full power.
A Vision of Moving from Darkness to Light
In one particularly vivid vision, I was standing in a shadow, separated from a vibrant spectrum of light and colour beyond. I felt stuck, unable to cross over. I asked Ayahuasca what I needed to do to escape this darkness, and she gave me the simplest answer: I needed to recognise my own inner light. She reminded me that all the light I was searching for externally was already inside me.
It was a moment I won’t forget. Ayahuasca showed me that to dispel my darkness, I had to stop looking outside myself for my light. I am the light—and that was enough.
Embracing the Fullness of Myself
This Ayahuasca journey taught me that both our darkness and light are part of what makes us whole. By facing our fears and embracing all parts of ourselves, we not only heal but also become a source of healing for others. The journey isn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s downright frightening. But with each step we take, we come closer to the truth of who we are.
This is my path, and I’m honoured to share it with you. If you’re ever curious about plant medicine or want to explore your own healing journey, I’m here to help guide the way.
Ready to Begin Your Journey?
If this resonates with you and you’re feeling called to explore plant medicine or healing practices, I invite you to join one of my upcoming cacao ceremonies or book a 1:1 personalized cacao session.
These gatherings are gentle, sacred spaces where you can reconnect with yourself, release what no longer serves, and discover the light within.
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