Facing Fear and Finding Light: My First Ayahuasca Ceremony
Disconnected, Yet More Connected Than Ever
Settling into the jungle the first night was an experience in itself. For the first time in years, I was completely out of reach—no mobile signal, no WiFi. It was a paradox of liberation mixed with unease. I realized how rarely we’re truly “disconnected” these days. Our phones and constant online presence create both connection and, ironically, disconnection. In that jungle silence, I felt a profound reconnection with our Divine Mother Earth, feeling her presence in a way that our screen-centric world doesn’t allow.
The Sounds of the Jungle: Nature’s Endless Symphony
As I walked into camp, I mentioned to my teacher that I was looking forward to the jungle’s peace and quiet. She gave me a small, knowing smile and replied, “It’s not quiet in the jungle…” That night, I learned what she meant.
My “tambo” was a beautifully handcrafted hut, raised on stilts, with a roof woven from palm leaves and open walls covered only by mosquito nets. There were no windows, no electricity, and no running water. When night fell at 6 p.m., the heat of the day gave way, and the jungle truly came alive. I was surrounded by a chorus of frogs, insects, and unseen animals—sounds I’d never heard before, each one reminding me of the vitality of this place.
One night, around 1 a.m., I woke to a harmonious “song” so complex and beautiful that I had to check if my phone had somehow turned on and was playing music. But it was just the jungle itself, singing to me through her creatures. It was a moment I will never forget—both humbling and awe-inspiring. I whispered a thank you to Mother Earth for her comfort, her music, and tried, in half-awe and half-adrenaline, to get back to sleep.
Harvesting the Vine: A Sacred Preparation
Early the next morning, we entered the jungle to harvest our Ayahuasca vine—a 10-year-old vine, which is rare and powerful. Typically, Ayahuasca vines are harvested at 5-8 years old, so this felt like a special gift. One by one, we each took a turn cutting sections of the vine to bring back to the lodge for preparation.
Preparing Ayahuasca is an intentional, almost ceremonial process. We took each vine section and gently beat it with a club to help release the medicine during cooking. I felt like a true jungle woman—connected, grounded, and filled with gratitude for this gift from the Earth. Once the vine was ready, our Shaman and her assistant built a large fire. We layered the Vine and Chacruna leaves in a pot, like a sacred "lasagne," and sat around the fire as it simmered for 10 hours.
Setting Intentions: Preparing for the First Ceremony
Before the ceremony, we gathered in a welcome circle to set our intentions. Each of us spoke our intentions out loud, anchoring ourselves in what we hoped to find or release. We also pulled cards to guide us in the ceremony—a small ritual that provided clarity and comfort. Pulling a card gave me an anchor; it became something to focus on when visions were unclear or when the intensity felt overwhelming.
Facing My Fear: Lessons from the Vine of the Soul
The word “Ayahuasca” comes from the Quechua words “aya,” meaning spirit or soul, and “huasca,” meaning vine. This “vine of the soul” is also known as the “vine of the dead,” as it often brings us face-to-face with parts of ourselves we’ve hidden away. During my first ceremony, I came face-to-face with one of my deepest-rooted fears.
As the medicine took hold, I felt a surge of fear rise within me. Ayahuasca showed me how this fear had been holding me back from fully embracing the life I’ve been given. She revealed how it kept me in the shadows, watching others live joyfully from a distance. When I asked her how to move out of this darkness, her answer was clear and simple: “Stop looking to others for your source of light. You are the light. Just be it.”
This insight felt both powerful and humbling. It was as if Ayahuasca was giving me permission to shine without fear, to let go of comparison and realize that the light I was seeking was within me all along.
A Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery Awaits
That night, the jungle and the medicine together taught me lessons I’d been waiting to hear. By confronting my fear, I found a new freedom—a reminder that healing often comes when we stop searching outside ourselves and simply allow our own light to shine.
Before you go…
Did this resonate with you?
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These sacred gatherings are a gentle way to connect with your heart, release what no longer serves you, and embrace the journey of self-discovery.Email me to let me know.
Email me and let me know. Xo
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