Trust, Fear, and Freedom: My Healing Journey in the Amazon
Learning to Trust without a Safety Net
One of the biggest challenges I faced on this retreat was staying grounded, especially with no way to be in contact. There was no phone signal, no WiFi, and no checking in with anyone “just in case.”
It was a chance to truly let go of control and just trust. I had to remind myself that life on the “outside” would keep moving, and if things went wrong, I’d find a way to handle it. In a way, being “disconnected” reminded me of something powerful—this was an opportunity to re-connect and that I was capable, resilient, and strong.
This retreat invited me to step into trust in ways I hadn’t done before. Without that constant “checking,” I felt my power returning to me. That’s the funny thing about our devices—we’re constantly looking for affirmation or confirmation.
It becomes addictive and keeps us always “checking” as if the sky might fall if we’re not immediately available. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
We rely on being connected for our sense of safety, but it’s a distorted sense of safety. In reality, what we need is to trust in ourselves again and in the support of nature, I love that the work I do supports my clients to do just that!
Facing the Jungle—and Myself—in the Darkness
Each night, I’d return alone to my tambo, my jungle hut, walking down into the pitch-black forest. This experience in total darkness was humbling and helped me prepare for the Ayahuasca ceremonies. The vast darkness of the jungle mirrored the depths within me that I’d soon encounter with Ayahuasca.
Being alone in that darkness, I learned to find comfort in the discomfort. My teacher, Wim Hof, often speaks about this idea, and his practices with cold water and ice baths had prepared me for moments like these. I had to sit with my fear rather than push it away, and over time, I began to understand it.
I started journaling in the evenings, reflecting on what the fear was trying to tell me, and using gentle self-inquiry to find clarity. Too often in our daily lives, we have distractions and comforts that allow us to avoid looking at our fears.
FULL MOON MAGIC
“We are all like the moon, we still have our darker side.”
Khalil Gilbran
Choosing to Face Fear over Comfort
The jungle taught me that fear is a part of us we can choose to address—or avoid our whole lives. Many people take their fears to the grave without ever confronting them. And while that might be a choice some people make, it’s not the life I want. I’m driven by freedom. I don’t want to live in avoidance or denial, and so I embrace opportunities to face my fears head-on. This retreat, with its total disconnection and natural challenges, reminded me of the power of facing fear and the importance of self-trust.
Embracing Discomfort to Find Freedom
Ultimately, this journey was about freedom. Freedom from fear, from constant “checking,” and from the illusion of needing constant contact. What I took from this experience is that real freedom is rooted in self-trust. Turning off the outside world, facing discomfort, and connecting deeply with nature—it’s all part of the healing process. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is turn off and tune in.
What about you? Have you experienced growth through disconnection? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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